Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
