why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
