i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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