Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
