I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
