and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
