So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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