At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
