You made me cry and you don't even care
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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