I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
These tits shall not be calmed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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