dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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