the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
