just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
