I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He shit in the fireplace
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
