time to smoke my breakfast
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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