honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My ass is underappreciated
I think people are normalizing furries
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
