so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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