I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
