I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
