my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
