I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
