I feel like I'm in dance class right now
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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