Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
