i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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