I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
