Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize