I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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