her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
