on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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