i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
