a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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