bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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