I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
