I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize