If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
