You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
