my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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