It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
