so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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