Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
