your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
