shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Found the puke drawer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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