is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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