My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
