I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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