Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
