Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
