My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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