upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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