You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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