I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
