I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
