If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
