I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
