I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
