Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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