i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
