My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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