if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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