hell yes lets make some ravioli
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize