these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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