STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
