My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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