If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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