I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
