I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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