dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
