We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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