You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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