Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
