people are starting to question the shark bite story
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
