just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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