That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
