Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
