im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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