i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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